locum funnies

i blame the recession for making me slaves for extra bucks, but never knew I was entertained in the process.

incident 1.
Lady A: i think i'm pregnant.
Me: Oh.. when is your last period?
A: June. And I been having morning sickness and early morning vomiting
M: So, you come just to test you're pregnant?
A: Yes
M: Okay. (did a bit of examination, uterus just palpable) Here's go check your urine.
She came back with UPT test positive.
M: Okay, confirmed you're pregnant.
A: Yep, I checked myself the urine test yesterday, it was positive. I just want to confirm.
M: (?!?!?) Okay, quickly get go and make the 'buku merah' and get a scan. Here don't have scan.You want something for the morning sickness?
A: Actually, morning sickness and vomiting all gone already.
M: Oh (?!?!) okay, see you. just give you some folic acid.

incident 2.
Guy A: I have severe headache, cough, fever, runny nose and sorethroat. Really terrible.
Me: OK, how long?
A: 4days already, getting worse, even with medication from another clinic.
M: What was the medications given?
A: Some, cough and cold meds, no antibiotics.
M: Sure no antibiotics?
A: Yes (confirmed with acknowledgement from his wife beside him)
M: Ok. let me check (proceed to standard 'URTI, TRO Dengue fever' package examination)
A: So, how?
M: Because it's already so long, starting you on antibiotics. If you smoke, must stop for awhile.
A: why stop? Smoking should make us stronger.
M: (!?!?!) (smirked and giggled) You serious ar?
A: Oh, ok.. So you see, I already lost some time being sick 4 days, is there anything that can give me so I recover within 1 day?
M: (!?!?!) Nothing, your recovery depends on your body fighting it. And smoking will only weaken your body.
A: So, you sure, I can't smoke to get better.
M: (?!?!?) Err.. absolutely.