there's a fine line between dedication and obsession.my junior colleague, T21 (who is stalking this blog) praised me for having the balls to write about one of our dedicated superior.
dedication is when you're crazy in your passion,
obsession is when you're driving everyone crazy in your passion.
first of all, it didn't cross my mind that it could have been misinterpreted, because most of my rantings are my personal reflections.
buddhism has taught me that no one can bother us except ourselves. from the beginning, there is never an 'I' to begin with.
anyway, to be honest, i need to eat the humble pie and confess that I was the obsessed one few weeks ago. probably more of being possessed.
i was obsessed with my struggle in preparing for my exam, struggling with the remainder of my time after my work commitment which includes clinical groundwork, sudden presentation at state level, urgent preparation for maternal mortality and etc.
i neglected my daughter at some point of time. i knew she was having upper respiratory tract infection, did initial check up and provided the medicine to my wife. But her conditions persisted for more than 4 days and she was suddenly turn listless. i had to rush back from work. she was weak and tired from all the vomiting induced by her cough. her lungs had some fine creps and chest x-ray was with some minute haziness. luckily, Dr.C, the paeds consultant sacrificed little time she had (being busy with clinical work and managing house officers) assessed her and reassured wifey and me. thank to our lucky stars, a good dose of 2nd line antibiotics did the job well and all our crazy worries subsided. it was impeccable timing for Genevieve to recover for the day she turned one.
at some point of time, i also raised my voice (a bit) in public at wifey for her time at the market was taking up my time for library. at the end, i felt like punching myself with a clenched fist. i felt like a total crap, a jerk and a psycho (is there a single word that meant those three combined?)