Heavyweights | Heavy heads

As I look through my blog entry list, I realize that I had been blogging less and less nowadays. If in utero, equating to reduced fetal movement, it would definitely be a bad thing, so much so that I would probably be subjected to countless daily CTGs or Doppler one or two.

Yes, I have lots of stories to tell, lots of frustration to vent, lots of gossip to spread and definitely lots of secret to expose. But then again, there are simply things that could not stand the heat of public exposure, plus, the flame may just scorch me back.

Negatively, one would have called it as bottling up. Positively, I would say it is simply self-restraint. Being selectively self restrained does not equal to bottling up. Rather, it prevent one from the damage, be it directly or collateral. The repercussion may just hit back. Who knows.

The second reason as to why my blog entry is on the decline, most probably because I currently have less time to kill. On the contrary, it appears that time is killing me – slowly. I know it is no big deal, as it does that to everybody. Perhaps it is just another understatement that I make. Or could it be the midlife crisis kicking in prematurely. Nay, I don’t care that much anyway.

One big part of my personal time is being sacrificed looking into the house officers’ affairs. To date, I do have pretty solid amount of regret thinking about the day I took this portfolio, although at that moment, was meant to be a temporary thing. Regret is regret. Work is work. I will do my best, but not pressure myself. I tried to be as fair as possible, as helpful as possible, and as resourceful as possible to them. I am beginning to realize that there are simply things that I couldn’t change, no matter how hard I try, because some people are simply too hard to please, while others are beyond help. They have a scientific word for this kind of condition. It is called palliative.

Although I can sense that sometimes, my head is getting heavier, more strands of white hairs on my head, more wrinkles on my forehead, more neurons short-circuited, so far, it had been a rather challenging worthy experience outside my clinical duties. No extra pay, no extra benefits, just extra headache.

And yes, I am still alive, and I made a promise to myself to blog more often. It’s just recreational to me. It recreates me, rejuvenates me and keeps me going.