It had been 5 long years since I first came into medical workforce as the greenhead house officer. Thanks to my buddy K for reminding me that. Clinical work is a different world from the medical school. One is like the sky and another is like the sewer below the North-South highway.
There were ups and downs, but the 2 major downs were the most memorable. Nevertheless, my previous downs were transient, the second one longer than the first. But, my hardwork persists and I have a lots of guardian angels in my life to be grateful to.
First time as an MD, I could not control myself and few tears welled up during an open heart discussion with my boss. I guess that's what people really do when they have been too strong for far too long.
I am just an honest person earning an honest salary to support my home. I never knew something so simple can be so complicated. I just have to do what I need to do. I can't do much more than that.
In a way, putting things into a positive perspective, I should be glad that life had choosen something so painful, so sharp and so blatantly damaging to mould a greater strength and patience in me.
Nietsche once said, that which does not kill you, will only make you stronger.
The lessons of strength are never meant to be learnt in classroom, but in the 'downs' that I experience as life goes on, holding on to my truest conscience.
I found solace in the words of a legendary Buddhist of whom his passing today had shaken the world.
His short discourse on Death had greatly captured the truth about anicca and anatta of which had slowly becoming foreign to me due to my lack of perseverance in pursuing the dhamma
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
~ Steve Jobs 1955-2011
Steve Jobs is right.
Never be trapped by dogma.
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
This entry seconds as the tribute to the great legend Steve Jobs, but primarily it's about my everyday physical and emotional struggle as the grossly and morbidly misunderstood trainee.