modern man by george carlin
I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium.
Digital and smoke free.
A diversified multicultural post modern deconstructionist.
Politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect.Is he cool or what?
I've been up linked and downloaded,
I've been inputed and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing,
I know downside of upgrading.
I'm a high tech lowlife, a state of the art bi coastal multitasker and
I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I'm new wave, but I'm old school.
And my inner child is outward bound.
I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer.
I'm voice activated and biodegradable.
I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace,
so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.
Behind the eight ball and ahead of the curve,
riding the wave, dodging the bullet and pushing the envelope.
I'm on point, on task, on message and off drugs.
I got no need for coke and speed,
I've got no urge to binge and purge.
I'm in the moment, on the edge
over the top but under the radar.
A high concept, low profile,
medium range ballistic missionary.
A street wise smart bomb.
A top gun bottom feeder.
I wear power ties, I tell power lies,
I take power naps, I run victory laps.
I'm a totally outgoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.
A raging workaholic, a working rageaholic.
Out of rehab and in denial.
I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda.
You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless.
I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.
I'm a nonbeliever and an overachiever.
Laid back but fashion forward.
Upfront, down home, low rent and high maintenance. S
upersized, long lasting, high definition, fast acting, oven ready and built to last.
I'm a hands on, foot loose, knee jerk head case.
Prematurely post traumatic and I have a love child that sends me hate mail.
But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing.
A supportive bonding nurturing primary caregiver.
My output is down but my income is up.
I take a short position on a long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash flow.
I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds, and watch trash sports.
I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly and lactose intolerant.
I use the "f" word in my email and the software on my hard drive is hardcore.
I bought a microwave at a mini mall and a mini van at a mega store.
I eat fast food on the slow lane.
I'm toll free, bite size, ready to wear and I come in all sizes.
A fully equip, factory authorized, hospital tested, clinically proven, scientifically formulated medical miracle.
I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, postdated, freeze dried, double wrapped, vacuum packed and
I have an unlimited broad band capacity.
I'm a rude dude but I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean.
Cocked, locked and ready to rock.
Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow,
I go with the flow, I ride with the tide, I got glide in my stride.
Driving and moving, sailing and spending,
jiving and grooving, wailing and winning.
I don't snooze so I don't lose.
I keep the pedal to the medal and the rubber on the road.
I party hardy and lunch time is crunch time.
I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hanging tough.
Over and out.