Santa has been stung by recent vehement criticism claiming that he is a bad role model for children and should be considered a ‘public health pariah’.
In order to rescue Christmas, Santa Claus has made a number of pledges to improve the health of the public by serving as better role model:
And suddenly Santa bit the dust.
- Santa Claus will no longer smoke a pipe or any other form of tobacco.
- After every 10 km Santa will give his reindeer a rest, and pull his sleigh all by himself for the next 1 km (unfortunately, some presents may arrive late).
- Santa will no longer appear in any marketing campaigns targeting children, particularly those involving junk food and soft drinks.
- Santa will no longer drink the copious cans of beer left for him on Christmas Eve. Instead, Santa will now have a share of the carrots left for his Reindeer. He also requests that beer no longer be left out, so that neither he nor his reindeer will be tempted to imbibe, and so that neither he nor they can be accused of drinking and driving.
- Santa will now wear a helmet and safety harness when driving his sleigh, on rooftops and when abseiling down chimneys.
- In the interests of stemming the spread of infectious diseases, children will no longer be able to physically touch Santa, sit on his lap, nor kiss him in shopping centers.
- Santa will undertake an UCEM-sanctioned diet and exercise regimen (details to be released early in the New Year) with the intention of making significant inroads into his considerable girth.
So, while Santa’s exact mechanism of death is not yet known, it is clear that the writing was well and truly on the wall. May he rest in peace. However, the show must go on and auditions for a new Santa Claus have already begun.
Those hoping for a fit and healthy new Santa may be disappointed:
And lastly, just one day before X'mas, Santa comes back alive, again!! However, with his renewed physical vigour and increased leisure time may have some unintended consequences:
Last year, I wrote briefly about Santa. Never knew this year, the whole Santa saga becomes much more theatrical than before.
Something about Xmas really strike me deeply, probably due to few reasons. My high school education was in a missionary school. Few of my friends were stout Christians. The annual jovial celebrations of Xmas. My first airflight many, many, many, many years ago with my family was going to Singapore for Xmas. And my first short outstation vacation with my dearest was to celebrate Xmas as well.
Back in my uni years, someone actually commented to me that I looked like a Christian. I never knew Christians have a specific facial features. Anyway, I am Buddhist celebrating Xmas, because I still believe Christianity has and always will bring goodness to everyone.
And Buddhist rejoices in everything good. Kusalasa upasampada ('Do Good' in Pali).
Last year December, back in my previous hospy, as I walked past the non-sterile room of the clinic, I could see a Christmas tree about the height up to my ankle sitting lonely at the secluded corner. By itself, the tree appeared to be rather jovial despite being dumped into a barely noticeable quiet place. I was curious and found out that the tree was fully sponsored by my specialist, Dr J, placing it in the outside corner of the clinic. All set to brighten up the waiting area, just to have it removed after few hours by the hospy's administrative people for reasons that neither can comprehend. I could remember vividly how Dr. J sat down on the couch during her on call and shared her disappointment over it.
This year round, I have pleasant surprises cropping up all over the place in my current hospy. I could see Xmas trees and presents at its feet in the Labor Room itself.
Another one near the entrance. And many more within the hospital compound.
Not that Xmas tree is a good proxy to the whole spirit of Xmas. Xmas tree is an adopted pagan practice.
But still, to have them set up spontaneously in spite being post-accreditation, is something worth more than 2 thumbs up.
For everyone, have yourself a merry blessed Christmas!!
P.S. My christmas wish: Let it snow! Let i snow!
P.S. Something obgy: Which syndrome characterized by the association of polycystic ovaries and the abnormal functioning of the urinary valve? [Reference]